Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
