do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
