I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
