I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
