there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
