i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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