were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
