it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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