I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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