At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i think i just lost a toe
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
