Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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