who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
