i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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