The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
