Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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