sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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