I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
