I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
