I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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