Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
