What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
