but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize