my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
