3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
