That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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