Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
