When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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