he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
