i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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