a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
This show inspires me to have sex in space
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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