god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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