the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
