totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
