Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
