just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
