Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
