does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
