the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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