Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
