I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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