white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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