I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
