He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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