just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
