My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
