i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
