Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
