Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
