boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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