she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
