4 words: hood of his car
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
