i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize