he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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