We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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