Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
