I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
