it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
