Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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