last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
