Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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