If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
