I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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