how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
