Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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