I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
