yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
