Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
