The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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